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To Understand Human Behavior is To Understand Dating

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If you are to achieve a viable relationship in your lifetime you must understand how humans behave.  As a matchmaker I must explain numerous times a day the complexity of how and why humans behave the way they do.

Ask yourself this, do you ever wonder why people reacted to you the way they do?  Sometimes they are totally off base.  They don’t understand you.  They misinterpret your intentions.    My attitude is that you must succeed by understanding the complexities of all human beings.

Dating is psychological.  The better we learn about just how psychologically emotional dating is the more insight and more success you will have.    If you develop self-awareness and awareness of others you will have an advantage in dating.  Taking control of your dating life is just a segment of your enriched personal development.  Make no mistake about serious dating, it is about doing the psychological work and dealing with why and how humans behave.

You can be successful in life and still have time to be successful in dating.  The useful principles of psychology apply to dating.  Attraction is a door opener.  Psychological makeup has all to do with longevity.  The idea of longevity is a more healthy way to live.  A real relationship is fulfilling. Mindless pursuit of non-meaningful relationships or flings, hook ups, one night stands will leave you psychologically empty.  A robot performing meaningless sexual acts.  Friends with benefits are synonymous with psychological emptiness.

If you develop deeper understanding of each other you will grow in life.  If you grow you will be successful in relationship oriented dating.  Too many are not taking time to really understand each other.  Why that is too much personal work.  Too many want things easy with no connection.  We become human trash when we throw each other away for another hook up.  As you grow older it is harder to escape your behavior.  Hopefully you developed good behavior directed at the opposite sex.  When you develop bad behavior you get what you deserve which is a calamity in dating.  You wonder why you cannot function.  It is because you didn’t grow personally.  Conduct is how we shall be judged. If you conduct yourself in a bad way you remain alone or worse you end up dysfunctional, although many people grew up in dysfunctional families and they learned dysfunctional behavior.  The more the dating pool is populated with dysfunctional people the worse it gets.   Please let no single person suffer dating anxiety as perpetuated by lack of patience.  Dating is complex and should never be cavalier in nature.  Running anxiety will destroy your chances in dating.  Could you be a competent dater? You will know because you date less people however you date them longer.

To know the truth about who you are and who is attracted to you is half the battle.  Attraction isn’t just that your picture looks good.  Attraction is about how you connect in a complex set of values, personality and how you project your personality.  Ignorance of all psychological aspects of people will keep you wondering why it isn’t happening for you.

It is important that you have a developmental period that is normal.  If not then you must seek therapy to correct or at least help you understand why your life is not working right.  What happens in dating is a reflection of what has happened in your life.  How we are molded as human beings dictates our behavior. The behavior you exhibit will be how you are accepted or rejected.  Most human behavior is learned.  We as humans model behavior.  If our world has become largely dysfunctional then we are in trouble.  I believe we are in trouble.  I see what is going on these days between men and women.  I have great knowledge of male and female behavior and points of view.  The very first thing men need to do is to stop being docile.  Regardless of any foolish ideas about political correctness about what men should become, men should never evacuate their masculinity.  Boys should be allowed to be boys.  Women in large numbers want you to be men.  So man up.  The next thing men have to do is not fear women.  The women out there are so much fun and can be attractive prospects.  It’s time for men to stop being ambivalent and afraid of women.  It is also time for women to resist pop culture and false media images of men and give average men a chance rather than criticize them all the time.  Men need to become charming and personable.  Both men and women must understand each other; it is a willingness to do so that will create a better dating culture as this dating culture needs fixing.  There are thousands of actions and reactions in male female relationships.  Instead of we want our own selfish needs met it is more like we need to meet the opposite sexes needs.  If you make someone happy they will want to reciprocate.  Successful interaction will mean you will like each other. When you like each other you will date each other.  Did you know that most men and women do not like each other these days?  Where have we gone wrong?  I don’t have this problem, however there are people who would say they don’t like my reality based approach.  We must turn things around.  My legacy is to get some people to change.  We are universally imperfect as humans, for god sake; can we forgive each other’s imperfections?  As soon as we embrace our imperfect lives we then can embrace each other.  We might learn habits of acceptance, tolerance, compassion and understanding.  Singles must stop contemplating the worse and embrace the better in people.  If you wish to date successfully you will develop a successful habitual dating strategy.  Developing positive habits will get a desired result.  Many of you suffer from dating battle fatigue.  You fail to embrace, open up, flirt, have fun, smile, laugh, and learn about each other in a non-intimidating way.  The next time someone flirts with you, flirt back. Relax, have fun, accept someone.

It is time to be responsible for who you are and confidently put yourself out there.  Do not back away from who you are and demonstrate why you are worth it.   Your dating success is your responsibility. It is not the responsibility of relatives, friends, peers, and anyone else, it is your responsibility.  Men, isn’t it time you came out of where you are hiding.  Women, stop being conditioned by magazines, television, movies, dating rules books, lists and other such bad agenda driven garbage fed to you by people who hate men.  It’s time for both men and women to capture each other’s attention and each other’s heart.


John Holt