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Thinking About Building a Society of Positive Relationships

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As I look around these days, I see a society that has in many ways lost its way when it pertains to building healthy relationships.  A healthy relationship can be defined as two people working together inside a similar value system for the purpose of staying together permanently or for at least a very long time.  It seems that men and women who stick it out and try to communicate effectively can stay clear of a lifetime of wandering from one hollow acquaintance after the other.  We will in fact be much better off if we as a society begin to promote long term relations as opposed to a hook up culture.  Tri-State Dating Service is in its mission here for the purpose of longevity in relationships.

I want you to think in positive regard about keeping humans feeling connected to society.  Men and women are too critical of one another and it isn’t healthy.  I look for inner strength in human beings when I meet clients and get to know them.  Let’s reach into our human capabilities to see far beyond superficial choice.  When you meet people to date please focus on positive human traits.  Please listen with compassion. Please listen and spend time really getting to know people.   Dating is about liking people, communicating through discovery, timing, and having sensitivity. Can you really make an effort to spend time focusing on one person at a time?

There is a likeable core personality inside everyone. Stop focusing on things that will never matter.  It is time to embrace a new way.  This online dating culture has destroyed dating turning it all into a techno meat market. You have no importance in it because it is a revolving merry go round that never stops. Too many damaged single people from all the damage online dating has caused.

Human capability is determined best in person face to face.  Being glued to a machine is impersonal and is not going to gain intimacy in the long run.

My concern is and has been are we really listening to each other.  Many of you fear dating. You are concerned about being hurt again as many are hurt over and over again by those that dashed their promises on the rocks.  Many are suffering from mood swings and even mood disorders that are destructive in interacting with people the right.  Many are in a constant state of lament about the opposite sex.  I was appalled the other day when a man sent me an email stating all women are crazy.  This was so shameful because it isn’t true. Why the anger and broad sweeping generalizations?  Our society has lost its way; we are not promoting togetherness and connection. So what do you aspire to in dating?  Is it superficial revolving dates or is it discovering for real who human beings are?

Trust me I have the wisdom to guide you.  The problem is many of you feel you don’t need guidance.  Instead there is an idea that you place an order and the perfect date appears in a matter of days.  There are so many unrealistic thinking people out here that it makes speed of dates impossible to provide.  Just go to the same speed dating events every month, you see the same people there, why, because no one was ever good enough.  Go to online dating sites where it seems numerous profiles of the same people are there month after month year after year, why, because these people are waiting for perfection and no one is perfect.  If we don’t start validating people for relationships by respecting them enough to really know who they are then dating becomes single people who are nomads wandering through all the ways to meet someone. Sorry it doesn’t work like that.

Can you listen to someone and deliberate over seeing them several times in a month before deciding if they are for you?  If you can you will be successful in dating to find a partner for longevity.  Think a lot about what is written here.  Listen with positive regard about people’s strengths and abilities.

Can you say these days that you actually got to really know the person you’re dealing with?  We are losing the skill of great conversation as we retreat to e mail, social media and smart phones. The addiction to all of that will destroy dating.  When it comes to dating we must start applying logic.  We need to show care about people.  If you demonstrate caring people will hang in with you. My logic is evident.  I apply it to Matchmaking for the purpose of authenticity.  I’m authentic from my basis of logic. Many hired me and found my logic a value; others fought my logic and are still single.  The truth is we are given false information that makes the opposite sex look bad.  We are paying attention to negative stories about the opposite sex.  If you are poisoned then dating is impossible as you revert back to negative information being fed to you.  The struggle is many men and women have demons inside them that self-sabotage a possibility for meeting people and feeling good about them.

So isn’t it time we took a deep breath and decided to really give people a chance.  Running from one place to the next looking to have someone agree with you only to waste your money.  I’m not a yes man. I am a Matchmaker that has defied time.  I have twenty two years’ experience.  I’m here to tell you that society has destroyed dating with technology that allows humans to behave badly. Society has groups in it that promote anti male and anti-female agendas. Media portrays dating as if it is a circus to poke fun at people on reality television.  Dating is a slow process to discover people while giving them a chance a real chance instead of instant rejection.  Learn a great deal about the complexity of human nature please!


John Holt