Dating Blog

Tri-State Dating Service dating blog.

  • Home
    Home This is where you can find all the blog posts throughout the site.
  • Categories
    Categories Displays a list of categories from this blog.
  • Tags
    Tags Displays a list of tags that have been used in the blog.
  • Bloggers
    Bloggers Search for your favorite blogger from this site.
  • Team Blogs
    Team Blogs Find your favorite team blogs here.
  • Login
    Login Login form

The Availability of Men in the Dating Pool

Posted by
  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Hits: 350
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

I hear two major things these days from women.  Where are the men? I also hear “There are no good men out there”

Let’s start with where the men are these days.  The answer is they are around; they are not very assertive for the most part. As a matter of fact many of them are ambivalent and in some ways afraid of women.  Many of them became frustrated with being told in numerous ways some subtle and some not so subtle that they aren’t good enough.  Yes a larger amount of over selective women has made men a bit scarcer in the world of dating.  Another factor which I will mention here is that many men became very shallow in their approach to dating.  Online dating and the way people behave using it has ruined traditional dating.  Many men just picture shop and look for sex and with the idea of dating apps. Free and easy sex is the order of the day.  The truth is that women want to be in meaningful relationships with courtship involved. Biologically men are pre-disposed to pursue women not hide from them. The very idea that men are running away from women or side stepping them is a problem in the dating scene.

Let’s discuss the battle cry of many women. “There are no good men out there” almost like a bugle sounds and the chants begin.  There are no perfect men! There never will be any.  Just like there are no perfect women. My advice to women is to throw away the magazines burn the books that advise you that men must be so many things listed in the books.  There are good books which are the ones that talk about healthy relationships, read those books.  The prince charming books and romance novels are fiction. They are not reality. If in fact for too many years the bar is set too high in terms of expectations and the rejection of men is too much then you should expect that men will be less available. No one lines up for rejection.  The men got the message.  Another fact is that women no longer need men to take care of them.   The days where women choose men to take care of them financially are pretty much over.

Another amazing thing that goes on these days is an epidemic of non- reality where much older men ask for much younger women. This is so foolish a waste of the majority of time you would think older men would get it!  Yes men are genetically pre-disposed to be attracted to younger women and it is reasonable for men to date women up to 10 years younger. The further from ten years we go it will be more likely women will say no.

As a professional Matchmaker I am responsible for helping men and women with realistic meaningful attraction. The kind of attraction that has common sense as part of it.  I am the catalyst for the truth in dating.  Without the truth you will wander aimlessly through single life and be single for decades.

So if you are a woman who is reasonable how you get a man you really want.  You start conveying your desire by becoming more inviting to men. Sooner or later you will run into a man that is worth it if you put it out in the universe that you are ready you will have the consciousness or awareness you need to attract men.  Take action and show you are interested, someone will see you as an opportunity to get closer.  Start surrounding yourself with ideas that are positive about men.  You are what you think. Men are also in your mind what you think they are, what you achieve in dating is all about your own thoughts and beliefs about men. If they are toxic thoughts then guess what?   Your thoughts and attitudes about men define you as a dating prospect. Think of it this way, if you have terrible thoughts about men then why bother dating anymore.  This idea that many or just about all the men are no good but there must be one flowed by frustrated lament over it has to change.  Doubt and fear never accomplishes anything.  If you adopt purpose, have an attractive feminine energy about you, have a presence that is warm you have the power to attract and get the best out of men.

On to the men.  The kind of real attraction which can be overwhelming and a real connection is much better than quick sex for the sake of having it.  Women are not objects, they are sophisticated human beings.  Sex is only a small part of a relationship.  Wouldn’t it be better to look forward to being with one woman who really lights your fire in many ways other than just what she looks like?  If men start realizing who they really can attract more connections will happen.  Understand that the media images of women do not represent the larger portion of real women.

So what is the real goal here? The goal is that women must understand men and men must understand women.  Interpersonal attraction is what should be the goal.  We need to fix much of what is going on in the dating scene. The kind of attraction in my Matching process that leads to real friendships and romantic relationships. A process that brings men and women together to have fun, get serious and respect one another. Yes I think more men would be available if they had respect.  Yes I think men must view women with respect and not as visual sex objects.  Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like someone and view them positively.

John Holt