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Please Don’t Over Analyze Each Other

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Many times I hear feedback from people who went on dates and told me so much information. This information is used to apply scrutiny and analysis. Did you ever stop and wonder if you went to deep to fast? Did you ever wonder that all of life’s challenges are met in an imperfect way? I have seen many of you create litmus tests that are so intense that many a person could never succeed with you.

Being single these days is very challenging, when you complain that there isn’t enough good people to meet you end up in isolated loneliness. You have scrutinized your way to isolation. Being single too many of you is a holding pattern until perfection is attained. Please forget perfection. There is no perfect person on earth. Please refrain from stretching your imagination beyond reality. The brand of Tri-State Dating Service is Realistic Matchmaking. In Realistic Matchmaking you can learn to attain personal happiness. Realistic Matchmaking is the alternative to ridiculous dating rules books that tell you all kinds of ways to stereotype the opposite sex. The result of those dating rules can be a series of behaviors that keep you apart as opposed to bringing you together. Just make it easy to allow a comfort level. The comfort level that allows people to be themselves. Don’t manipulate or try to control people. You can’t control people for too long before they lash out at you. Emerge from a closed mind. Give people a chance.

When you over analyze someone your taking away the freedom to think in terms of inclusion vs. exclusion. You now have put up walls around yourself. What do walls do, they keep people out. An unrealistic analysis based on fear and mistrust keeps you single. The decisions you make about people should be made from careful processing of information. I suggest you observe someone over 5 dates instead of snap judgments made in 1-2 hours of intense analysis.

Awareness is the key to logical choices in dating. First you must break away from damaging patterns of knee jerk reactionary behavior. Just the other day I had a man tell me all women with red hair were off limits, why, because he has an attitude that suggests red heads are unstable. He didn’t realize I was a red head. I can give him a pass because my head is shaved. I find it so limiting to hear these things. Being aware of many things can be an advantage. Making decisions from careful thinking wins over reactionary thinking. Quite often reactions are deep inside you. These reactions come from habitual thinking. These patterns of over analyzing are hard to get rid of.

Can I challenge you to think differently? I want you to think through your decisions to see someone again or not see them. Your initial set of feelings about someone can be entirely incorrect. I think reaching who your are dating is by establishing an identity. You establish that person’s true identity by dating them many times not by dismissing them in 2 hours.

The observation of human behavior is not easy. We sometimes make mistakes when we act in haste. When we rush to judgment about people we can be wrong. I believe we should be careful; you may have dismissed someone that was so right for you. Check often to find consistent feelings about someone until a pattern forms. Here is how I believe you observe human behavior.

1 Keep track of your similar feelings over a period of time spent with someone.

2 Look for similar underlying reasons that are associated with some person’s actions.

3 Try to look at someone as an individual not a person from your past. This is destructive comparing those in your past with the person in your presence.

4 Engaging in pre conceived notions will help you draw false conclusions, stay away from this way of thinking.

In conclusion it is wise when you allow multiple dates to get the real story about who you’re with. Can I challenge you to think this way?


John Holt