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Matchmaking in Today’s World

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I’m John Holt southern New England’s most realistic matchmaker.  I have been providing matchmaking services to singles since 1992.  I serve the residents of CT RI MA and eastern NY.  I try to advocate and put single people in the best possible place to succeed in meeting one another.  I promote my members with enthusiasm.


We live in an ever changing society with far more complexity than ever before.  Human behavior has jaded the simple idea of getting to know one another and having vastly pleasant experiences.  I see a world that could be kinder than it is.  I see a world where we care greatly about one another. A world where we smile and laugh together enjoying all the fun we could have. If dating became fun for many more people than it is we would have a lot more happy people and less lonely people.  Instead we live in a time of great suspicion, mistrust, false expectations and only we as humans can change that.

Guess what, ten of the twelve months in 2013 marriages, engagements and people putting their memberships on hold for exclusive dating happened at Tri-State Dating Service.  I’m proud of that. It wasn’t easy but it happened. Why isn’t it easy? The online dating commercials on television paint a picture that it is as if magic would happen, just log on.  If you are a single person who tried it and are reading this then you know that is false advertising.

The fact is Americans are now instant gratification creatures of comfort.  They want dates like they order a sandwich. Smart folks know it is far more complex than ever.  If you ask numerous people they will give you an ingredients list so complex that who would 100% fit.  My advice is we need to slow down and enjoy each other’s company learning as much as we can in a cordial nice way.  Being so overly critical of humanity will jade you.  More memorable times are made in my matches where men and women embraced the fact that no one is perfect.  The dating atmosphere is charged with indifference.  In dating today cruelty is prevalent far more than ever before.  There seems to be zero tolerance for anyone making a slight mistake.  These mistakes are often human nature events.  Cast aside the imperfect ones and throw me a media invented image, right, oh well you know what I mean.

I see many great men and women who are imperfect.  I think we need to agree there are no perfect men and women.  There are fun, smart, decent men and women everywhere.  Just look around. I see them.  They are here at Tri-State Dating Service.  I am passionate daily about matchmaking.  I am challenged by it daily.  I am the one willing to tell it like it is.  I get abused sometimes for that.  You see I am living inside the truth every day and if we are not going to embrace the truth then we are living a lie.  If we are living a lie then we have no basis.  Our world is a deception.  I believe much of what goes on these days is a deception.  Not in my world.  I won’t allow it. Did you ever wonder why many are not treating people with respect?  In my opinion men and women need first and foremost to be respectful to one another.

Attraction is a funny thing.  Chemistry is even more of a complex term. It seems many of the men these days are looking for the very most visually appealing women they can find.  The problem is they aren’t the very most visually appealing men.  This can be tough.  Can’t you guys find the great women out there who still are decent looking and are great people to talk to and be with.  I have seen both sides of the coin with dating.  Over selective people will rule out many leaving their chances to be few and far between. 

I believe in relationship building.  I look at matching as an amazing process it gives me the greatest feeling to know two people are matched and are having fun getting to know each other.  I have fun talking to people like that.  It is all about great attitude.  You must have a great attitude to date for success.  Dating starts with simply liking each other.  Forget anything else. First smile and flirt. Conduct a conversation with small talk and start smiling and liking each other.  This means you have the ability to make someone feel comfortable in your presence.  Go out on those fun dates and enjoy each other.  Do you see my theme here?  Keep it simple, nice, pleasant. Enjoy each other please.  You just might find yourself in a long term relationship and perhaps you won’t be afraid to marry each other.  I love weddings and hearing there will be more to come.  This is what I want.

My approach is highly personal; you and I will get to know each other.  The more I know you the better it is.  I personally interview everyone.  I enjoy meeting everyone. I learn so much about you and all the people in this world from those interviews.

Matchmaking takes time.  It takes a patient person to succeed at matchmaking. Given the fact that all the fast buck artists got rich telling you instant results were inevitable maybe now you want to try matchmaking. I know you have been disappointed by false hope spread around!  Just understand that humans are complex and finding your match is a process.

Did you know how many things go into matchmaking?  Visual attraction, body type matching.  Occupational compatibility.  Lifestyle matching, how people live cannot contrast too much.  Personal schedules, flexibility factors among men and women.  Zero compromise is equal to no dates.  Intellectual matching is important.  A cerebral connection will keep men and women interested in the discussions they have.  Cultural factors come into play. Religious considerations for some people dictate who they can date.  Pre-marital history and post marital history play a role.  How you have related in your relationships tell a story.  If you have children how will they assimilate into the next relationship?  What is your health both mentally and physically?  Do you both live a certain healthy lifestyle?  How do you recreate and how many common interests do you have?  Do you live a full active happy life making you attractive to those that do?  Economics are a critical indicator as to a successful long term future together. Can you compromise? Is it you that can be agreeable?  Personality connection is the cement of all long term relationships.  Did you learn from past relationships?  Two major ingredients that make you a good match is self-awareness and personal growth.  Does your energy match well?  Enthusiasm for going on dates will get you second and third dates leading to greater possibilities.  The men and women being matched must have similar life goals and core values.  Attitude about the opposite sex must be positive.  I believe you have the inner motivation to succeed or fail.  You must have motivations that succeed.  I believe you must be a happy person. The miserable person attracts no one.  Conversation with personal appeal flirtation, charm and charisma will attract many.  Humor is attractive, use it.  We all need to laugh more these days.  Age is best when you date people the closest to your own age.

My days are filled with challenges. I feel every emotion you feel. I go through it all with you.  I am your personal matchmaker.  I know who you are and who you belong with. I visualize it, think about it and deliberate over it and I love it when you become a permanent couple.


John Holt