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Managing Dating Expectations

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This is the biggest issue in dating these days. Expectations for numerous reasons have gotten so far out of line that many singles are frustrated.  I hear it all the time “We want what we want and we won’t settle” WOW!  I tend to think a lot about this and I have to say that if anyone wishes to be patient and wait for decades to go by without making demands then all the power to you.  I however tend to think no one really wants to do that.  Here is the problem; you are so selective that no one seems to fit.  Why I hear many women crying out “There are no good men out there” rather harsh a statement this seems to be.   The men seem to think if she isn’t a ten then I can’t go there.  Guys, get real tens need tens. Sorry most of you are not tens.  Does it make sense to chase tens all over the planet in utter frustration as they turn you down?  Self- awareness for all men and women is what I prescribe.  Know who you are and who you can actually attract.  So where did all this begin?  For women it began in the numerous books and magazine articles you read about how men should be.  Some male fictitious character called Prince Charming has gotten you in tune.  Isn’t Prince Charming fictitious?  Oh well I thought I would throw the reality at you.  Men, you have been looking at too many television images of women.  These women represent only four percent of all the women on earth in looks.  This has gotten you so excited about who you cannot possibly date or ever get next too.

For now twenty two years I have been guiding single men and women to build relationships.  All this stuff I started this article with does not matter at all.  In the end if you don’t begin to think about acquiring the best social skills, become insightful about who you are and who you belong with, develop a strategy that allows you to accept in your presence fifty percent of people in the dating pool you will be frustrated for years alone.  I must manage your expectations as a Matchmaker so you will end up with someone.   Ask yourself, is it working?  Ask, what I am doing that keeps me single for numerous years and decades.  I can’t even begin to tell you how deflated many singles are.  Self- esteem is low.  I must tell women that if they keep rejecting men in record numbers the men will disappear from the dating scene dejected.  Can I motivate you to look deep inside yourself with the idea in mind that no one is perfect?

Dating strategy should be a plan. Start by being honest with who you are inside.  Start thinking about dating someone for what is inside them.  Measure them for the human being in totality.   Get rid of the emotional clutter inside your mind and start accepting people as candidates.

If you truly want to listen to me and follow me toward building a relationship then hire me.  In dating we start with friendship based on who the person is we deal with.  We should not be there for superficial reasons.  Anyone who dates superficial is an empty person.  Dating means spending numerous hours with the same person because this really how you get to know them.  Anyone who judges people in minutes after meeting them is there for one reason, sexual chemistry.  You are there for the following reasons, to make small talk, get them to like you, establish enjoying them so they will like you and you will like them. Then you go through a period of discovery about values.  You connect on activities you both like. This period of discovery is about seeing if you have a stable person.  During discovery you see how they treat you and you find out if they are selfless or selfish.  It is very important during discovery to see if the spoken words match the deeds. This is the time where you establish respect.

One of the very big problems these days is allowing too many choices.  Focus on one person at a time. Stop this grass is greener on the other side thing.  I got a call from one of my female clients from Boston MA the other day.  She asks for my advice.  She told me of a man she met who called her at 3 PM to cancel their 8 PM date. This on a holiday weekend. He had plans that came up. I told her to move right on to someone else that she deserves respect.  When you make a date with someone keep it unless your job or an emergency comes up.  Respect her now or you will find she is gone.  The grass is greener mentality comes from all these choices you keep making available to you.  This internet dating circus has kept singles addicted to looking always for one better while you date someone.  There will be no future in this behavior.

If you are single and insecure you are unattractive to the opposite sex. A relationship does not fix your life a relationship improves the overall quality of life.

Remember dating is a timing game.  You cannot force it you find a way to engage in it one person at a time.

Remember you must be emotionally stable, have a positive outlook about people, possess a sense of humor, be self- sufficient.  Ladies you are not looking for a father and men you are not looking for a mother.

Please be kind to one another. The level of expectations these days has gotten away from just being nice and kind to one another.

If we don’t start managing expectations to meet the real needs of people we will lose reality.  Without realistic thinking we lose all perspective of what really is important giving way to the chase of superficial nonsense.  This whole dating culture must change in a very profound way.  Stop listening to anti male agendas.  Men need to start giving women respect, women need to let them know by being kind to men they deserve respect.  Above all we need to boost everyone up instead of putting them down.  If dating is cruel then people will stop dating.  I have seen people give up.  No one should feel that way.  The dating culture must be changed so that men and women treat each other in a kind way.  Even in rejection we should be kind.


John Holt