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Just How Serious are You About A Relationship?

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In the world we live in today it is a major challenge just to trust someone.  It becomes a factor in every decision to date someone and to invest emotional capital in another human being of the opposite sex.

My job as a matchmaker is to get you to think.  What I want all of you to think about is the work it takes to have a viable relationship.  If we think realistically about relationship building the fact of life becomes selfless vs. selfish behavior. The selfless person who is rare these days gives of themselves expecting nothing in return.  The selfless person understands the truth and lives within the realities of giving to their partner.  The selfless person expects nothing in return. In today’s society it has become self-centered.  Selfishness has destroyed relationships.  The I/ me attitude prevails and destroys relationships.  This means we move on to many relationships instead of working on one relationship.  At the first sign of things not going right it is see you later and on to the next one.  Let me get you to think.  Do you know where you are going next?  Did you learn from the last time around?  What have you learned from a previous relationship that will help you in the future?  At Tri-State Dating Service I want to end your trip on the dating merry go round.

It is never too late to end up in a serious relationship if you learn to relate well to the opposite sex. You never lose the capability inside you to connect.  We should face the truth and embrace deeper thoughts about our quest for a relationship.

So what are the principles of a smart relationship?  They involve the ability to understand that no one is perfect and that the grass is not greener elsewhere. Anyone can hang in there in the good times, so when the challenges come up do you run away?  Do you run fast from reality?  When you decide you want to be in a serious relationship do you find out who is compatible with you?

I have examined and studied for many years the pitfalls and the joys of relationships.  I have learned so much from my clients and other single people I have talked to.  I have talked to many married people.  I learned that if you stay engaged in the process and you keep communicating you will give it your best effort; you will then see relationships continue.  At all cost avoid what you know is destructive in a specific relationship.  Take immediate action to stop things from getting worse than they may be.  In your mind you must think that staying and working things out will be better than the unknown.


If you truly want a relationship built on the reality and the truth you must be authentic.  Positive living takes place through authenticity.  You are good, you have good qualities. It is not appropriate to re-create yourself to attain a relationship.  Being who you are will attract the one that is comfortable with you.

Remember there are actions in a relationship.  The actions must match the words. If the actions match the words then you have a dependable partner. How get treated is associated with respect. We must never forget respect; we build nothing together without respect.  When you choose a relationship partner you must find one that reflects your core values.   I look at core values closely when I match single people with one another.  We must start to learn simply how to like people, connect, trust and care for people in order to be in a viable relationship.  So how real are you?  How proud to be authentic are you?  Could you be a phony or do you reflect the characteristics you proclaim?  I was at a business meeting recently and met someone at that meeting for the first time, she told me at the conclusion of the meeting it was nice to meet someone who is real.  Do you think you are real or are you contrived?  Did you make yourself out to be who you really are not?  Are you lost in the non-reality?  Do you know who you are and who fits you or are you wandering aimlessly through selfish superficiality?  My challenge to all of you is to reconnect with yourself.

Authenticity is very important.  Try to focus on a member of the opposite sex that in conversation seems real.  Try to stay away from those that have agendas not genuine.  I see so many single people go on the quest to fill up their lives with people who take care of their needs, wants and expectations while they do not lift a finger to meet those of the person who gave themselves to them.

Being happy is important, so why are a large majority of angry people pursuing relationships?  This is dysfunctional and unhealthy.  I believe you need to have it within yourself to make someone happy by first finding happiness within yourself.  My question to you if you are single and looking  are you disappointed with life having a bad attitude about the opposite sex blaming them for all things bad? Could you be harboring raging anger inside you about the opposite sex while looking for the next one to be with?  Do you suffer great frustration inside you that consumes you about the opposite sex? My suggestion is you deal with all of that before trying to date to build the next relationship.

In the quest for happiness in a relationship you need to be happy yourself.

So ask yourself, who Am I? What is important to me and others?  What do I hope for in my future relationship?  Who do I really like? What is important to me? What are my good qualities to match with someone else’s good qualities?

Relationships take work, they don’t form overnight in a vacuum. Stop and think as this is not magic it is work.  There is no way around it.  If you think so you live a shallow existence.


John Holt