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Human Attraction

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If there isn’t anything more compelling these days in matchmaking it is the idea of human attraction.  It is a very serious consideration.  The fact is many men and women these days do not find each other attractive. The pool of available people to date and relate to is limited by too many self-imposed criteria.

Do you know and understand the role you play in relationship building?  Do you care about relationship building?  When you associate with the opposite sex do you relax?  Is about taking time to visit the I like you zone or is it testing people with criteria that will never allow anyone to make the grade.  Can you be the cool likeable easy to get to know type or the intense, rigid, uptight person who tests people to make the grade.

I next ask you to think about the whole idea of relationships.  Should we throw people away or invite them into our zone of tolerance?  I say humans are precious, we cannot throw people away. I value human beings. What is your role in human relations?

What is the image and identity you project? When you project an image you are subject to judgmental and even stereotypical thinking. It is an advantage to have a warm graceful charismatic identity. These skills have a soothing relaxing effect on people. How we respond to each other is how we will attract each other. We attract in a deep rooted way by learning in a relaxed setting all about things that allow us to connect.  Visual attraction is superficial. It is part of the mix however it isn’t the cement of true human attraction. It has little to do with long term relationship survival.  So what is your identity?  Do you identify well with the opposite sex?

In the dating industry as a whole it seems marketing and a sale to the superficial is the order.  John Holt professional matchmaker is far more astute in going deeper into the reality of human attraction.   The goal at Tri-State Dating Service is to help people build great relationships not to cater to false ideas about who you attract. It is matching you with who you are deeply attracted to and likely will stay with. Bringing people together for longevity means deeper analysis of attraction.

Did you ever wonder what the nature of human attraction is?  Is it biologically pre-disposed or in your DNA or is it deeply rooted in psychological factors?  Could it be both?  I believe it could be both.  There is no denial that humans attract based on a map image idea in the brain as to a certain type of appeal.  Where the psychology takes over is where you go from instant attraction based on the pre-disposition idea to deeper attraction as you define personality, emotional and value system connection.  A deeper connection means deeper connection. Deeper connection is more permanent than initial connection.  Just because you like the visual doesn’t mean you will like the real person in all their complexities.

Many men tell me they just can’t continue with a woman outside their visual idea of who is attractive, so are men shallow?   Could what you look like as a woman be the defining moment with men.  I realize women hate this.  I further know that it is a grave mistake to go out with women just because of what they look like.  I am far more advanced as a matchmaker in understanding the complexities of human attraction.  I believe in personalities connecting well. It is the very idea of people relating that will allow them to stay with each other long term.  There is intrinsic chemistry in human attraction.  So are we now at the crossroads in the idea of shallow or deep attraction. Shallow feels good short term.  Deep attraction is about the survival of longevity in relationships.  I believe the very institution of relationship building makes our society more productive and the mutual benefit of healthy relationships will keep your life happier.

Connection means things fit well. When we get comfortable with things fitting well we want to stay where we are. When we stay where we are with the one person we developed connection with we are more stable.

The larger problem these days is why men and women have in larger numbers rejected each other.  Let’s begin with our friends in Hollywood and the media.  The false images created in movies, television shows and advertisements depicting false images of men and women have a subliminal way of image influence and do over time related exposure to this, effect human attraction.  Another idea has to do with out of the box thinking from various movements which confused natural relations.  We cannot change what we are pre-disposed to. Many have tried.  We should not raise boys to be anything other than men.  We must stop the idea of turning boys into anything else. Why, because ultimately women want men not pushovers. Women are not attracted to pushovers and weak men.

The larger problems of men and women just not being into each other is this giant competition to be better as a sex than the other and the resentment that goes along with it.  One man said to me recently, “John they are beating us.” Why compete any further than the marketplace.  In human relationships the element of competition must be eliminated so both men and women can relate.  It isn’t competition in relationship building.

Ladies please be aware that there is an agenda out there to destroy men.  It is imbedded in the media.  Just turn on the television set and there are male characters and male images all over the place. Just take notice of how men are portrayed. Watch this for a while. The influence is astounding. Do the men you see in everyday life really represent those on television, of course not.  It is powerful and media does influence who women are attracted to.  So stereotyping is not a good thing is it?  A stereotype is a view of how people are characterized often unfairly with incorrect assumptions.  We really have to take time to notice the real person we are dealing with, remember you could find attractive the false image created in your mind and end up dating the wrong person.

I think women are attracted to strong, charismatic, decisive, brave, adventurous and entertaining men. Women are attracted to masculinity and men to femininity. No crazy movement can re-engineer this. The idea of re-engineering the social and biological construct is unnatural.

Human attraction is complex and it is the major force in dating these days!


John Holt