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Growth and Fulfillment in the Dating Process

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Forget what any fast buck artist in the singles industry is telling you about fast results in dating.  If you haven’t been taken advantage of yet consider yourself lucky.  I know all the online dating site companies illustrate how beautiful it is all about to become in minutes.  Just log on they say, join for free they say.  Did you know by now it is the biggest bait and switch routine in the dating business?  Yes, you get to join for free, no; you cannot meet or contact anyone until you pay the fees.  At my own personal peril I created the brand of Tri-State Dating Service which is realistic matchmaking.  This means knowing who you are and who you can be with.  I become popular with those that succeed in this idea.  I am unpopular with elitists who think they are better than anyone else and in a delusional way chase people they will never end up with. When you don’t end up with anyone you fail to grow. How can you reach fulfillment in life without viable relationships?  Dating is a process that takes time.  I realize the massive sense of urgency in dating.  This is called dating anxiety, when you want to meet someone and it can’t happen fast enough.  The dishonest people in the singles industry understand this and sell you fast, quick fixes.  What happens next is you pay sums of money chasing quick fixes and the next thing you know you are single spending a lot of money for five to ten years.  Do you know why I do a great second and third choice business?  It is because I tell the truth and the truth is not what the anxious want to hear.  How many of you fell prey to the online dating site television commercials? Do the people on those websites look like those actors and actresses used in those commercials?  Maybe you paid thousands of dollars to a dating service and they had no one for you and hardly ever called you.  Who would pay that kind of money? I know they told you everything you wanted to hear and promised in day’s success would happen.  My prices are in the hundreds and my service has been around since 1992.  I apologize right now.  I can’t make the outrageous claims these other companies are making.  I can tell you this, unless you are realistic with your expectations, willing to accept at least half of the dating pool available to you, become self-aware so you can have personal growth with someone, find interpersonal relationships rewarding, possess an attractive fun attitude and understand that dating is a process that has all to do with timing, you will fail chasing dreams.  I know many of you are frustrated.  Now you see this and maybe the reaction will be, oh my god who does he think he is?  I am a professional matchmaker with twenty plus years of experience.  After you calm down ask yourself if any of the lofty promises made to you from other operators ever amounted to any result.  Look at me as a way out of pie in the sky and a way into reality.  Truth and reality isn’t sexy, it isn’t fairy tales it’s simply truth and reality which like it or not we live in every day.

In order to grow in life we must learn from the past embrace common sense in the present and set realistic goals for the future. A fulfilling dating process is to figure out who is attracted to you. It might be shocking that many you wanted to be attracted to you just aren’t.  So what can you do about that? Nothing, you can’t make them like you.  No matter what you do they won’t date you.  So, do you give up?  Many people get very bitter when these conclusions are reached.  It never should be that way.  It should be that you get out there and try to see who is available.  Try hard to see qualities in those that are interested in you.

So what are the biggest challenges in a dating process?  First of all it is getting real facts and figures about who dates who.  There are factors in who you will date.  All this millionaire nonsense from millionaire matchmaker show is clouding the minds of dreamers.  The fact is millionaires and very wealthy people date other millionaires and wealthy people.  Beautiful women usually date tall dark and handsome men.  Overweight people should date other overweight people.  People with outgoing gregarious personalities tend to date other outgoing people.  If you do certain activities a lot you tend to date those that do the same activities.  If you are high spirited you will date other high spirited people.  There are thousands more examples.  There are times when opposites attract.  It is true, it is also less prevalent.   If you research dating facts and follow the wisdom you can then make a game plan for dating success.  There is no place on earth you can go and get instant results so get the idea out of your mind.

Tri-State Dating Service since 1992 has specialized in solving problems around the dating process by convincing frustrated single people that dating is a process should be relaxing and fun.  Dating should be about connection and personal growth.  There are no quick fixes.  Personal fulfillment comes after working on a great relationship built with someone you truly gave a chance to. This is the culmination of huge amount of hours of research about dating and relationships by John Holt professional matchmaker.  This is a lifelong passion for me.  I want to bring people together and see them happy.  I took the plunge twenty years and seven months ago.  I have seen a lot.

You can call me a great communicator.  I hope you will think hard about what I write and say.  I am confident that you will grow along with me.  I am enriched by your personal growth.  You should embrace people; you can’t love anyone until you embrace liking them.  I will connect you with people you can succeed in a fulfilling relationship.  Did online dating let you down?  It isn’t the technology behind it.  The technology is fine.  It is people behaving badly toward one another, disrespect for human values, predators you never want to run into.  I interviewed online dating victims on my radio show Networking Singles you can listen to my show Thursday evenings 1380 AM WNRI 6-8 PM. Or on Sunday evenings 980 AM WXLM 8-10 PM this is Eastern Standard Time.  You can stream the Thursday night show at www.wnri.com and the Sunday show at www.wxlm.fm it is a call in program so call in.

Did you know that networking with people to get them to like you is a skill?  It is, you must be social to be liked so in the dating process you will learn how to become less socially awkward.

One of the ways you can grow in dating is to be an active listener.  I do it all the time.  I have learned so much from listening to single people over the years.  When you are an active listener you certainly learn what you need to know for real.

Presentation of verbal communication and image is part of the dating process.  Like it or not, how you look in style and what you say you will be judged on.  Ask yourself this when you are one and done with dates.  Am I the problem?  Oh I know the blame game. There is a culture of blame in the singles community.  Blaming anyone and everyone is denial.  When you deny that you could be the problem then you are short sighted about reality.  In the dating process we have feedback that the members of this service give me and I give them.  We work on the growth that takes place in the learning process.

So grow with me, end up with someone personally fulfilling to you.  End up in a process that will ignite success, enjoyment and happiness.

Focus on finding prospective matches that you can succeed with.


John Holt