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Dating’s Unrealistic Merry Go Round

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Dating in 2013 has a whole new meaning to it.  I sometimes sit in utter and complete amazement at the behavior grown adult’s exhibit in the game of dating.  The avoidance behavior when they feel unattracted.  Deceitful communication designed to deflect and chase someone away.  The numerous lies told to reject someone while not hurting feelings when in fact it hurts worse.  The numerous amounts of duck dodge and hide games using technology.  The very technology that was designed to bring people together is used to torture one another and frustrate those trying to get in touch.

So what is at the bottom of this?  Unrealistic expectations are at the core of the problem.  Men in larger numbers expect to go out with slim, slender, model like dolls right out of a modeling agency, yet if you look at the men that want them you would conclude that they hardly look that good standing next to them.  Still they try.  The women have come to the conclusion that there are not enough charming successful men out there without problems from the past.  The women for the longest time have lamented about the quality of men in the dating pool.   So what does a matchmaker do about this?  No I’m still here after twenty one year’s I didn’t jump off a bridge.   Daily I talk to singles about why humans behaved the way they behave hopefully to explain at the very least what is going on.  You might even being thinking, what does he know.  Believe me, plenty.  I can explain this world of dating better than most.  It is a jungle and only the realistic few men and women left on earth will succeed.   My job is to help you understand this world, navigate through it and build a relationship with a person you belong with, forget the grandiose dreams everyone, stop complaining about who is available and learn all about them.   If you choose to learn all about them you might like one and actually begin to enjoy life together.  No one is perfect.

In dating the inevitable accompanying rejection that mounts up for many of you results in avoidance behavior.  Calling all women, hear ye hear ye, did you wonder why it is so hard to find the men these days?   The men ran away from you because of many picky years of dating where most of them were rejected and banished to loneliness where many men remain.  It only stands to reason that if you get rejected over and over again you are not likely returning.  The men out there made it worse by now paying attention to only the Barbie dolls among women.  The chase is on only for Barbie dolls.  The rest of the women are lined up and in a massive struggle.  It’s all about looks for men, taking the fact they are visual to the most extreme.  Ladies did you ever wonder why a man who is out of shape and doesn’t look that great is chasing model agency quality women? I as a man often wonder about this.  Don’t they know they could never attain a woman like that?

So what happens all of you? Do you wish to continue to be frustrated solitary celibate souls?  Many of you dread jumping into the dating pool as if it were full of sharks and alligators.

So if you wish to forge a path out of a lonely existence what do you do?  I sincerely need all of you to be realistic and self-aware otherwise this dating thing will be doomed.  If you are a single person living in stagnation you should embrace John Holt Matchmaker, the brand realistic matchmaking and forget dating the top three percent.  Let’s cut out the ideas that made dating impossible.  Men are pre –disposed to date women younger so you women who are trying to be cougars or date men younger are going to fail 90% of the time.  Only psychologically maladjusted men date women much older.  These men look for a mommy figure because they have mother issues going back to childhood.  Men who seek to date women younger than ten year’s younger than them are foolish.  The women they can date are likely one to ten year’s younger maybe a little more, not twenty to thirty year’s younger.  Could you find one, yes, she either is going to take you for everything you have or she is looking for a psychological daddy.  She has daddy issues from childhood.  If you are overweight and out of shape as a man do you really think you can have a slim or athletic woman? The answer is no!  If you are woman with a bad attitude and unpleasant to be around can you attract a charming guy, forget it.  In the laws of attraction you get back what you put out there.

Divorce has brought many issues to the crazy dating scene.  Fifty percent of all marriages ended this way.  Please oh please, resolve all issues before dating.  Many a divorced person took the issues into the dating pool and this has caused a plethora of issues.  If you thought it was better to divorce because you would find someone better with fewer problems, you can just forget that idea.  Everyone has some baggage especially after age forty.

Men please get a grip.  The days of controlling women are over.  Women have arrived.  The women in this country are achieving independent people.  They no longer need you to support them.  However let me make the case we all need each other to have an emotionally sound nurturing relationship.

This is just the tip of the iceberg in this article.  I could get so deep into this you would have a head spinning experience.  The fact is the grownups are not doing better than the children on this thing we call the dating merry go round.

John Holt