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Dating Blog

Tri-State Dating Service dating blog.

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As I look around these days, I see a society that has in many ways lost its way when it pertains to building healthy relationships.  A healthy relationship can be defined as two people working together inside a similar value system for the purpose of staying together permanently or for at least a very long time.  It seems that men and women who stick it out and try to communicate effectively can stay clear of a lifetime of wandering from one hollow acquaintance after the other.  We will in fact be much better off if we as a society begin to promote long term relations as opposed to a hook up culture.  Tri-State Dating Service is in its mission here for the purpose of longevity in relationships.

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This is the biggest issue in dating these days. Expectations for numerous reasons have gotten so far out of line that many singles are frustrated.  I hear it all the time “We want what we want and we won’t settle” WOW!  I tend to think a lot about this and I have to say that if anyone wishes to be patient and wait for decades to go by without making demands then all the power to you.  I however tend to think no one really wants to do that.  Here is the problem; you are so selective that no one seems to fit.  Why I hear many women crying out “There are no good men out there” rather harsh a statement this seems to be.   The men seem to think if she isn’t a ten then I can’t go there.  Guys, get real tens need tens. Sorry most of you are not tens.  Does it make sense to chase tens all over the planet in utter frustration as they turn you down?  Self- awareness for all men and women is what I prescribe.  Know who you are and who you can actually attract.  So where did all this begin?  For women it began in the numerous books and magazine articles you read about how men should be.  Some male fictitious character called Prince Charming has gotten you in tune.  Isn’t Prince Charming fictitious?  Oh well I thought I would throw the reality at you.  Men, you have been looking at too many television images of women.  These women represent only four percent of all the women on earth in looks.  This has gotten you so excited about who you cannot possibly date or ever get next too.

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Hi everyone.  We live in very uncertain period of time.  Dating has become far too complex than it should be.  I believe that a dating culture that promotes confidence is a great course of action.  When we encourage people to identify all the good characteristics they possess we give them confidence to move forward.  When people feel bad about who they are they lose confidence.  Without confidence you become unsure in approach.  If you are not confident you are less attractive to the opposite sex.  The best way to become confident is to develop in numerous ways competence.  When you have a great knowledge base you will feel confident because you know a great deal about subjects you can discuss that will likely appeal to the opposite sex.

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No doubt in my mind. The time we live in is a very challenging period of time for men and women dating.  The biggest reason is men and women are complicating what should be a much feel at ease process.  Small talk, seeking enjoyment from one another, having fun and making others feel at ease on a date has taken a back seat to lack of trust, suspicion, false expectations, manipulation to control people, superficiality and lack of faith in the opposite sex.  So how did we get here?  One of the biggest reasons is fractured relationships of a dysfunctional nature, divorce from damaging marital circumstances. Following false media generated images of what the opposite sex should be in the most ideal way that barely four percent of all humans on earth could live up to the image. Once a cycle forms and takes hold for many years it is hard to break.

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I’m John Holt southern New England’s most realistic matchmaker.  I have been providing matchmaking services to singles since 1992.  I serve the residents of CT RI MA and eastern NY.  I try to advocate and put single people in the best possible place to succeed in meeting one another.  I promote my members with enthusiasm.

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Tri-State Dating Service is more than just matchmaking it is about building healthy relationships.  A bigger commitment in connecting with each other.  When we show deeper consideration of people we get back a bigger reward in return.   We create new options, we see farther into a long term future.  Having a vision for the future is what establishes relationship building goals.  If I can convince people that they should have a resolve toward staying together then we will have less divorce and people will learn more about people allowing them to make the right choices.  If we take the time to dig deeper and not succumb to instant gratification then our decisions will produce long term lasting relationships.  Do you have the drive and passion to get to a more sophisticated level of dating?  A level of dating that is respectable and not instant gratification hook up culture.

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In this world full of drama it seems as though we need to take a deep breath and think about life.  Is your goal one that allows you to have social connectivity?  Do you view social contact as being as valuable as monetary gain?  Do you survive better when you are in a meaningful long term relationship with a significant member of the opposite sex?  Is dating a fun activity filled with flirtation, smiling and learning about someone?  Do you have the attitude that allows enrichment in life by being associated and connected to other people?  If these things are important to you then you may have a better life which is full.  A life where there is less depression, limited despair and connections with people who allow you to flourish as a human being.

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A certain level of care is important in human relationships.  If there are too many selfish men and women in our population then we will have numerous failed relationships.  I have been beating the drum these days about people caring about each other.  If we cannot understand how to take care of each other in relationships we will ultimately fail.  This will mean we are going to have many more people living single that perhaps may not want to.

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In the world we live in today it is a major challenge just to trust someone.  It becomes a factor in every decision to date someone and to invest emotional capital in another human being of the opposite sex.

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If you are to achieve a viable relationship in your lifetime you must understand how humans behave.  As a matchmaker I must explain numerous times a day the complexity of how and why humans behave the way they do.

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Attitudinal adjustments may be in your future if you are wondering why dating isn’t working for you.  The emotional state of your mind will dictate your love life.

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In my dream world all men and women would seek to connect on a deeper level of understanding.  Wow, am I dreaming ladies and gentleman?

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Have you pondered a lot these days?  Do you find yourself thinking how life became like it is?  You’re not alone my friends.  As a matter of fact if you’re looking out into the vast countryside you see a lot of confusion.  I see a lot of unhappy people and wonder why this is the case.  Everyone seems to want a meaningful relationship but can’t seem to get out of their own way to find one.

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It has long been a goal of mine to bring balance to how men and women view each other. It further is a goal of mine to persuade all of you that relationship building is the key to a more successful life.

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If there isn’t anything more compelling these days in matchmaking it is the idea of human attraction.  It is a very serious consideration.  The fact is many men and women these days do not find each other attractive. The pool of available people to date and relate to is limited by too many self-imposed criteria.

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Today we are faced with higher than ever gasoline prices. This makes everyday choices about spending money more difficult. In discretionary spending you must establish value. A bigger problem is that higher payroll taxes have added to the problem.  These economic times create uncertainty.  In dating there must be a value.  It isn’t just going out on dates; it is the quality of dates which would lead to a real connection. At Tri-State Dating Service forty five percent of all members have found real connections of six months or longer. If you pay lower prices and achieve this value then you made an investment that brings positive value.  There is no real monetary value to a great relationship.  I have heard my clients tell me they would pay anything if they ended up in a permanent relationship.  If you read this and it makes sense then join my service.  This is a more sensible approach to the complexity of relationship building than being left on your own in front of a computer screen in utter and complete frustration.

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Forget what any fast buck artist in the singles industry is telling you about fast results in dating.  If you haven’t been taken advantage of yet consider yourself lucky.  I know all the online dating site companies illustrate how beautiful it is all about to become in minutes.  Just log on they say, join for free they say.  Did you know by now it is the biggest bait and switch routine in the dating business?  Yes, you get to join for free, no; you cannot meet or contact anyone until you pay the fees.  At my own personal peril I created the brand of Tri-State Dating Service which is realistic matchmaking.  This means knowing who you are and who you can be with.  I become popular with those that succeed in this idea.  I am unpopular with elitists who think they are better than anyone else and in a delusional way chase people they will never end up with. When you don’t end up with anyone you fail to grow. How can you reach fulfillment in life without viable relationships?  Dating is a process that takes time.  I realize the massive sense of urgency in dating.  This is called dating anxiety, when you want to meet someone and it can’t happen fast enough.  The dishonest people in the singles industry understand this and sell you fast, quick fixes.  What happens next is you pay sums of money chasing quick fixes and the next thing you know you are single spending a lot of money for five to ten years.  Do you know why I do a great second and third choice business?  It is because I tell the truth and the truth is not what the anxious want to hear.  How many of you fell prey to the online dating site television commercials? Do the people on those websites look like those actors and actresses used in those commercials?  Maybe you paid thousands of dollars to a dating service and they had no one for you and hardly ever called you.  Who would pay that kind of money? I know they told you everything you wanted to hear and promised in day’s success would happen.  My prices are in the hundreds and my service has been around since 1992.  I apologize right now.  I can’t make the outrageous claims these other companies are making.  I can tell you this, unless you are realistic with your expectations, willing to accept at least half of the dating pool available to you, become self-aware so you can have personal growth with someone, find interpersonal relationships rewarding, possess an attractive fun attitude and understand that dating is a process that has all to do with timing, you will fail chasing dreams.  I know many of you are frustrated.  Now you see this and maybe the reaction will be, oh my god who does he think he is?  I am a professional matchmaker with twenty plus years of experience.  After you calm down ask yourself if any of the lofty promises made to you from other operators ever amounted to any result.  Look at me as a way out of pie in the sky and a way into reality.  Truth and reality isn’t sexy, it isn’t fairy tales it’s simply truth and reality which like it or not we live in every day.

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The matchmaking business is a place where single people who are serious about finding someone can form a strategy.  The strategy isn’t always exactly what you thought of.  The grandest of plans of meeting the one come crashing down after you have been single for the better part of a decade.  This is stagnation in dating combined with denial. My purpose in life and business is to solve your dating problems.  Solving problems begins with getting you to become realistic.  Expectations that are unrealistic will get you frustrated and keep you single and alone for five, ten, fifteen years or maybe forever.  So a sustainable strategy begins with self-awareness.  Do an assessment of your dating life.  Take a deep look into why you have not had success.  If you are then willing to change it then contact me. We will become great partners in the social-sector.  The recovery from dating failure starts here.

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Perhaps a lofty title for this one.  I have a tremendous insight.  In fact, anyone that is really serious about reality based dating will sign up for my service.

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