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Dating Blog

Tri-State Dating Service dating blog.

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As I look around these days, I see a society that has in many ways lost its way when it pertains to building healthy relationships.  A healthy relationship can be defined as two people working together inside a similar value system for the purpose of staying together permanently or for at least a very long time.  It seems that men and women who stick it out and try to communicate effectively can stay clear of a lifetime of wandering from one hollow acquaintance after the other.  We will in fact be much better off if we as a society begin to promote long term relations as opposed to a hook up culture.  Tri-State Dating Service is in its mission here for the purpose of longevity in relationships.

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Hi everyone, today I sit here as a professional Matchmaker concerned with how we move forward with men.  I am a man.  I think women are just fine in many ways. I see the good in everyone yet the men are in this crisis of identity.  Recently I presented three profiles to a man who claims to be attracted to healthy physically fit women.  He then decides to defer to pictures which tell me something different.  Even though I offered him slender athletic women who are otherwise wonderful people who have all the characteristics he asks for he runs from being interested in meeting them.  I bet if you are a woman reading this you are shaking your head.  I think you must be thinking, who does this man think he is.  I ask any man reading this to think about joining this service if in fact he wants to meet decent women who are attractive. No they aren’t Hollywood actress looking women.  Let’s get a grip on reality.  They are my idea of viable women to date.

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This is the biggest issue in dating these days. Expectations for numerous reasons have gotten so far out of line that many singles are frustrated.  I hear it all the time “We want what we want and we won’t settle” WOW!  I tend to think a lot about this and I have to say that if anyone wishes to be patient and wait for decades to go by without making demands then all the power to you.  I however tend to think no one really wants to do that.  Here is the problem; you are so selective that no one seems to fit.  Why I hear many women crying out “There are no good men out there” rather harsh a statement this seems to be.   The men seem to think if she isn’t a ten then I can’t go there.  Guys, get real tens need tens. Sorry most of you are not tens.  Does it make sense to chase tens all over the planet in utter frustration as they turn you down?  Self- awareness for all men and women is what I prescribe.  Know who you are and who you can actually attract.  So where did all this begin?  For women it began in the numerous books and magazine articles you read about how men should be.  Some male fictitious character called Prince Charming has gotten you in tune.  Isn’t Prince Charming fictitious?  Oh well I thought I would throw the reality at you.  Men, you have been looking at too many television images of women.  These women represent only four percent of all the women on earth in looks.  This has gotten you so excited about who you cannot possibly date or ever get next too.

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Hi everyone.  We live in very uncertain period of time.  Dating has become far too complex than it should be.  I believe that a dating culture that promotes confidence is a great course of action.  When we encourage people to identify all the good characteristics they possess we give them confidence to move forward.  When people feel bad about who they are they lose confidence.  Without confidence you become unsure in approach.  If you are not confident you are less attractive to the opposite sex.  The best way to become confident is to develop in numerous ways competence.  When you have a great knowledge base you will feel confident because you know a great deal about subjects you can discuss that will likely appeal to the opposite sex.

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No doubt in my mind. The time we live in is a very challenging period of time for men and women dating.  The biggest reason is men and women are complicating what should be a much feel at ease process.  Small talk, seeking enjoyment from one another, having fun and making others feel at ease on a date has taken a back seat to lack of trust, suspicion, false expectations, manipulation to control people, superficiality and lack of faith in the opposite sex.  So how did we get here?  One of the biggest reasons is fractured relationships of a dysfunctional nature, divorce from damaging marital circumstances. Following false media generated images of what the opposite sex should be in the most ideal way that barely four percent of all humans on earth could live up to the image. Once a cycle forms and takes hold for many years it is hard to break.

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I’m John Holt southern New England’s most realistic matchmaker.  I have been providing matchmaking services to singles since 1992.  I serve the residents of CT RI MA and eastern NY.  I try to advocate and put single people in the best possible place to succeed in meeting one another.  I promote my members with enthusiasm.

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Tri-State Dating Service is more than just matchmaking it is about building healthy relationships.  A bigger commitment in connecting with each other.  When we show deeper consideration of people we get back a bigger reward in return.   We create new options, we see farther into a long term future.  Having a vision for the future is what establishes relationship building goals.  If I can convince people that they should have a resolve toward staying together then we will have less divorce and people will learn more about people allowing them to make the right choices.  If we take the time to dig deeper and not succumb to instant gratification then our decisions will produce long term lasting relationships.  Do you have the drive and passion to get to a more sophisticated level of dating?  A level of dating that is respectable and not instant gratification hook up culture.

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In this world full of drama it seems as though we need to take a deep breath and think about life.  Is your goal one that allows you to have social connectivity?  Do you view social contact as being as valuable as monetary gain?  Do you survive better when you are in a meaningful long term relationship with a significant member of the opposite sex?  Is dating a fun activity filled with flirtation, smiling and learning about someone?  Do you have the attitude that allows enrichment in life by being associated and connected to other people?  If these things are important to you then you may have a better life which is full.  A life where there is less depression, limited despair and connections with people who allow you to flourish as a human being.

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A certain level of care is important in human relationships.  If there are too many selfish men and women in our population then we will have numerous failed relationships.  I have been beating the drum these days about people caring about each other.  If we cannot understand how to take care of each other in relationships we will ultimately fail.  This will mean we are going to have many more people living single that perhaps may not want to.

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Dating in 2013 has a whole new meaning to it.  I sometimes sit in utter and complete amazement at the behavior grown adult’s exhibit in the game of dating.  The avoidance behavior when they feel unattracted.  Deceitful communication designed to deflect and chase someone away.  The numerous lies told to reject someone while not hurting feelings when in fact it hurts worse.  The numerous amounts of duck dodge and hide games using technology.  The very technology that was designed to bring people together is used to torture one another and frustrate those trying to get in touch.

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In the world we live in today it is a major challenge just to trust someone.  It becomes a factor in every decision to date someone and to invest emotional capital in another human being of the opposite sex.

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In our time 2013 we must pause for a moment to take a look at where the business of dating and single’s is heading.  Our country is in moral decay.  So why would we think that anything related to dating and relationships is in decay.  The major issue affecting all of dating these days is bad behavior.  Adults need to date like adults.  The children being raised must be raised to learn the right way of how to treat people.  Men and women must come to a conclusion that treating each other with respect as opposed to disdain is the right course.

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If you are to achieve a viable relationship in your lifetime you must understand how humans behave.  As a matchmaker I must explain numerous times a day the complexity of how and why humans behave the way they do.

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Attitudinal adjustments may be in your future if you are wondering why dating isn’t working for you.  The emotional state of your mind will dictate your love life.

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In my dream world all men and women would seek to connect on a deeper level of understanding.  Wow, am I dreaming ladies and gentleman?

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I wanted to write to the men out there, however if the women read this it most certainly is appreciated.  The very word appreciation is one I think men should consider when they wake up to the idea that a special woman in their life correlates to that word.

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Have you pondered a lot these days?  Do you find yourself thinking how life became like it is?  You’re not alone my friends.  As a matter of fact if you’re looking out into the vast countryside you see a lot of confusion.  I see a lot of unhappy people and wonder why this is the case.  Everyone seems to want a meaningful relationship but can’t seem to get out of their own way to find one.

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It has long been a goal of mine to bring balance to how men and women view each other. It further is a goal of mine to persuade all of you that relationship building is the key to a more successful life.

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If there isn’t anything more compelling these days in matchmaking it is the idea of human attraction.  It is a very serious consideration.  The fact is many men and women these days do not find each other attractive. The pool of available people to date and relate to is limited by too many self-imposed criteria.

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