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Dating Blog

Tri-State Dating Service dating blog.

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Recent blog posts

If people develop great personal interaction skills they will find the pathway to meeting people who will find them interesting.  When you know the skills of how to interact with people they will pay attention to you with the idea that they would become friends, social acquaintances, maybe date you and yes perhaps end up in a meaningful relationship.  If larger numbers of single people get out from behind the computer screen, put the smart phones down and interact face to face we will change the dating culture. If you follow my idea here you likely will rack up the numbers of people you have positive social contact with.

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I thought I would take the time to write about   the Matchmaking Business as it is currently functioning.  My role has changed a great deal in 24 years.  Now more than ever there is a vast amount of ideas about how single people define themselves and go about dating.   The truth is that learned behavior on online dating sites and apps. Has caused a new socially accepted way that people deal with one another.  Matchmakers have to help singles deprogram themselves from this behavior and re-think how they interact more successfully in order to date for success.  In online dating and apps. Very small amounts of people are successful.  What most people experience are miscommunication problems that keep men and women away from one another.  This further breeds skepticism, mistrust and perceptions that really have no bearing on who the people are or what kind of person they are,  As the internet becomes a daily adventure for most people it still remains the wild wild west of dating.   It should come as no surprise that through vast research I have formed conclusions about how online dating is destroying dating. 

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If you have discovered lately that dating is difficult and building relationships is hard work then count yourself as one of men/women who get it.  Yes it really is time to change course in the success path. You can succeed in dating if you make a pledge to relax, enjoy people and learn about them at a slow steady pace. Did I forget to mention fun? Yes fun and more fun early on in dating is a great idea.  Dating as if you were in a quest to find the one is wrong.  It keeps you single, isolated and alone!  Self- imposed exile from social activity and dating will isolate you and make you depressed.

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Tri-State  Dating service has a soul.  There is guidance in the ethical process here at Tri-State Dating Service.  In business since 1992 under the ethical principles of providing the truthful assessment to single people so they can succeed realistically at dating and build strong relationships.  Professional Matchmaker John Holt will never waiver from this philosophy.  To understand dating is to understand human behavior.  Dating is psychological.   The role social influence has had on our world especially with social media and the internet has made vastly complex the world of dating.  My purpose as Matchmaker is to help you through the process.  The process is sometimes confusing and dating can be a very unfair account of life as an experience.  I believe that shaping behavior, developing a positive attitude, being compassionate with other people’s feelings, having thoughts of success combined with a magnetic  spirit are all ingredients to get you to a permanent relationship.   Many single people crave the transition from the dating pool to the relationship building phase.  It takes work and agreement that you will be someone who operates inside of acceptance of people.

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As I look around these days, I see a society that has in many ways lost its way when it pertains to building healthy relationships.  A healthy relationship can be defined as two people working together inside a similar value system for the purpose of staying together permanently or for at least a very long time.  It seems that men and women who stick it out and try to communicate effectively can stay clear of a lifetime of wandering from one hollow acquaintance after the other.  We will in fact be much better off if we as a society begin to promote long term relations as opposed to a hook up culture.  Tri-State Dating Service is in its mission here for the purpose of longevity in relationships.

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This is the biggest issue in dating these days. Expectations for numerous reasons have gotten so far out of line that many singles are frustrated.  I hear it all the time “We want what we want and we won’t settle” WOW!  I tend to think a lot about this and I have to say that if anyone wishes to be patient and wait for decades to go by without making demands then all the power to you.  I however tend to think no one really wants to do that.  Here is the problem; you are so selective that no one seems to fit.  Why I hear many women crying out “There are no good men out there” rather harsh a statement this seems to be.   The men seem to think if she isn’t a ten then I can’t go there.  Guys, get real tens need tens. Sorry most of you are not tens.  Does it make sense to chase tens all over the planet in utter frustration as they turn you down?  Self- awareness for all men and women is what I prescribe.  Know who you are and who you can actually attract.  So where did all this begin?  For women it began in the numerous books and magazine articles you read about how men should be.  Some male fictitious character called Prince Charming has gotten you in tune.  Isn’t Prince Charming fictitious?  Oh well I thought I would throw the reality at you.  Men, you have been looking at too many television images of women.  These women represent only four percent of all the women on earth in looks.  This has gotten you so excited about who you cannot possibly date or ever get next too.

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Hi everyone.  We live in very uncertain period of time.  Dating has become far too complex than it should be.  I believe that a dating culture that promotes confidence is a great course of action.  When we encourage people to identify all the good characteristics they possess we give them confidence to move forward.  When people feel bad about who they are they lose confidence.  Without confidence you become unsure in approach.  If you are not confident you are less attractive to the opposite sex.  The best way to become confident is to develop in numerous ways competence.  When you have a great knowledge base you will feel confident because you know a great deal about subjects you can discuss that will likely appeal to the opposite sex.

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No doubt in my mind. The time we live in is a very challenging period of time for men and women dating.  The biggest reason is men and women are complicating what should be a much feel at ease process.  Small talk, seeking enjoyment from one another, having fun and making others feel at ease on a date has taken a back seat to lack of trust, suspicion, false expectations, manipulation to control people, superficiality and lack of faith in the opposite sex.  So how did we get here?  One of the biggest reasons is fractured relationships of a dysfunctional nature, divorce from damaging marital circumstances. Following false media generated images of what the opposite sex should be in the most ideal way that barely four percent of all humans on earth could live up to the image. Once a cycle forms and takes hold for many years it is hard to break.

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I’m John Holt southern New England’s most realistic matchmaker.  I have been providing matchmaking services to singles since 1992.  I serve the residents of CT RI MA and eastern NY.  I try to advocate and put single people in the best possible place to succeed in meeting one another.  I promote my members with enthusiasm.

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I hear two major things these days from women.  Where are the men? I also hear “There are no good men out there”

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Tri-State Dating Service is more than just matchmaking it is about building healthy relationships.  A bigger commitment in connecting with each other.  When we show deeper consideration of people we get back a bigger reward in return.   We create new options, we see farther into a long term future.  Having a vision for the future is what establishes relationship building goals.  If I can convince people that they should have a resolve toward staying together then we will have less divorce and people will learn more about people allowing them to make the right choices.  If we take the time to dig deeper and not succumb to instant gratification then our decisions will produce long term lasting relationships.  Do you have the drive and passion to get to a more sophisticated level of dating?  A level of dating that is respectable and not instant gratification hook up culture.

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In this world full of drama it seems as though we need to take a deep breath and think about life.  Is your goal one that allows you to have social connectivity?  Do you view social contact as being as valuable as monetary gain?  Do you survive better when you are in a meaningful long term relationship with a significant member of the opposite sex?  Is dating a fun activity filled with flirtation, smiling and learning about someone?  Do you have the attitude that allows enrichment in life by being associated and connected to other people?  If these things are important to you then you may have a better life which is full.  A life where there is less depression, limited despair and connections with people who allow you to flourish as a human being.

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A certain level of care is important in human relationships.  If there are too many selfish men and women in our population then we will have numerous failed relationships.  I have been beating the drum these days about people caring about each other.  If we cannot understand how to take care of each other in relationships we will ultimately fail.  This will mean we are going to have many more people living single that perhaps may not want to.

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In the world we live in today it is a major challenge just to trust someone.  It becomes a factor in every decision to date someone and to invest emotional capital in another human being of the opposite sex.

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If you are to achieve a viable relationship in your lifetime you must understand how humans behave.  As a matchmaker I must explain numerous times a day the complexity of how and why humans behave the way they do.

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Attitudinal adjustments may be in your future if you are wondering why dating isn’t working for you.  The emotional state of your mind will dictate your love life.

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In my dream world all men and women would seek to connect on a deeper level of understanding.  Wow, am I dreaming ladies and gentleman?

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